im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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