shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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