Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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