i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
