Having a random hookup so left but love u
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
