im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
