The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
