xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
