K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
