If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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