There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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