Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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