if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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