so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
