This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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