i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
