I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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