It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
