You just made me feel so damn special
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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