My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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