We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
