I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize