I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
third nipple confirmed
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
