How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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