she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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