It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
did i just pee glitter
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
