Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
