you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
