Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
