Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize