You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize