I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
