oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
