then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
