I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
