Who did Billy Mays play for?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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