mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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