to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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