hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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