she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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