how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
