Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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