On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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