my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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