i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
