I just pynch a tree in the face
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
