maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
