you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize