omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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