I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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