At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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