Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I will die if light touches me.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
