Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
