Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
