there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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