i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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