Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
its not stalking. its research.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
