There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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