Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Randomize
