I'm really into asian looking animals
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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