Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
