sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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