I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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